


The First Sign

by fakingg_sanity



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Character Death, Episode: Big Finish Audio Drama 2.5: Broken, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, Ianto's Family, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Multi, mentions of mental health conditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 03:50:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16590338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fakingg_sanity/pseuds/fakingg_sanity
Summary: IANTO: Mum? What is it?MRS. JONES: I just... oh, look, it's nothing but... I... well I saw Dr. Singh yesterday.IANTO: What?MRS. JONES: Now don't you be panicking and I've not told you sister cause she'll be round here all the bloody time.IANTO: But you're annoyed she's not coming for Christmas?MRS. JONES: Don't get smart with me, my boy. You there?IANTO: Yeah. I mean... I’m sure it's nothingMRS. JONES: Course it is. Your dad, you know that was different. This is just routine, it's a lump that's all. I mean I've never even smoked! It'll just be your bloody sister's cooking, she's never even heard of margarine.IANTO: Oh god.MRS. JONES: Ianto, I’m fine! I promise you, I'm fine. You okay?IANTO: I'm... fine. I... I promise you, I'm fine.The brief story of how Ianto dealt with losing his Mum, so long after losing everything else. And why it's all going to be okay.





	The First Sign

_IANTO: Mum? What is it?_

_MRS. JONES: I just... oh, look, it's nothing but... I... well I saw Dr. Singh yesterday._

_IANTO: What?_

_MRS. JONES: Now don't you be panicking and I've not told you sister cause she'll be round here all the bloody time._

_IANTO: But you're annoyed she's not coming for Christmas?_

_MRS. JONES: Don't get smart with me, my boy. You there?_

_IANTO: Yeah. I mean... I’m sure it's nothing_

_MRS. JONES: Course it is. Your dad, you know that was different. This is just routine, it's a lump that's all. I mean I've never even smoked! It'll just be your bloody sister's cooking, she's never even heard of margarine._

_IANTO: Oh god._

_MRS. JONES: Ianto, I’m fine! I promise you, I'm fine. You okay?_

_IANTO: I'm... fine. I... I promise you, I'm fine._

 

He doesn’t tell Jack, not even after their one-time thing turns into a two times thing then turns into a ‘just about every opportunity we get’ kind of thing. It doesn’t change anything, his Mam is ill, and at the end of the day there’s nothing he can do. He sees her once a week, twice if he can. He goes to her appointments with her if work isn’t too crazy and he feels guilty when he realises that this is the most amount of time he’s spent with her since Dad died. It takes her to be dying for him to stop being a prat.

 

She asks about his dating life. Usually when they’re sat, hand in hand, in the uncomfortable hospital chairs as they pump poison into her body. He shakes his head, not really wanted to bring up Jack. She wouldn’t approve. Not because he’s a man, but because it’s only sex. And she’s very much a ‘sex is for the person you love’ kind of woman. Sometimes they talk about Lisa. It’s easier now the immediate pain has ebbed away. She asks how he feels now, weather he still thinks about doing anything. _Like after Lisa…_ He reassures her that, no, he doesn’t want to die. Not anymore.

 

He tells her that he’s on medication to help him feel better and she smiles. He should have expected her to have this reaction. Of course, she would react like Jack. See it as evidence that he cares about himself. Really, he wanted to calm the noise in his head, and if it takes a few pills here and there to do that. Then so be it.

 

Over 2 months. They sit in those chairs, and her hair starts to fall out, and it’s hard to watch. So fucking hard. It won’t be much longer now, they know it isn’t working. But for some reason they still go, every week, and they force the chemicals into her body and she’s sick everywhere and sometimes she just cries. Ianto almost wishes his Dad were around. For all his faults, his Dad had known how to soothe his Mam. Rhi comes sometimes, but Ianto knows she finds it too hard. He also knows she gets checked out twice as regularly now. Both of them do. Terrified of what might be found.  

 

Jack asks, a couple of weeks before, where he’s going. They’ve just finished and Ianto’s dragging his trousers over slim hips. He knows he was more rough than normal, but Jack was so far gone it didn’t really matter if he vented a few frustrations that way. ‘ _Where’s a guy like you going on a night like this? And why are you leaving me…’_  he gestures along the length of his still naked body ‘… _like this. All alone…’_ It’s almost enough to make Ianto stay. Because he doesn’t really want to go. But he thinks this might be the last time, and he promised. He kisses Jack with enough passion and heat to get him all wound up again. Then he leaves to the sound of a beautiful, pained grunt.

 

It’s one of the worse nights. And Jack doesn’t question why Ianto has tuned up at the hub again, so soon after leaving. He doesn’t question it when Ianto pushes him against the wall and shoves his hand down his pants. He for once, just shuts up, because Ianto clearly needs to just… feel.

 

It’s 17 days later. They’re all in the board room and suddenly Ianto’s phone starts to buzz. Toshiko stops half way through her sentence and looks at him. He apologises and stands to take the call on the gantry outside. Toshiko continues, but Jack is staring out at where Ianto is listening intensely on the phone.

 

His eyes slip closed. The wave crashes against him, and even though he’s been expecting this for weeks, it still hits him harder than he ever could have imagined. It’s nothing like when his father died, this is a million times worse. He leans back against the cool metal of the railings and listens to the nurse explain how his mother slipped away in her sleep. _She won’t have felt it, she’s was comfortable. We made sure of it._ He can’t help the tear that runs down his cheek. He thanks the nurse and tells her he’ll be round soon with his sister. He hangs up and rubs a hand down his face. He allows himself 10 seconds of crumbling, then he coughs, straightens his jacket and walks back into the boardroom. _Something’s come up, I need to duck out for a couple of hours. I’ll be back to do your afternoon coffee._ They all look concerned, even Owen. Jack stands with him and walks him down to the cog door.

 

_‘‘Do you want to tell me what’s going on?’’_

_“Not really.”_

_“Will you?”_

_“Probably.”_

Jack pulls him into a hug and they stand like that for awhile, Ianto lets the tears fall down his cheeks. But too soon he has to pull away. Jack tries to catch him before he runs but the lift is already going up before he can react.

 

The hospital feels cold and empty. Like death itself. He and Rhi walk through the busy halls and find themselves face to face with a young doctor. She is clearly still reeling from losing a patient. But there was nothing she could do, nothing any of them could do. She lets them into the room and Ianto sees his mother, lying flat. He’s never seen her this still, she was always moving. Always cooking and fussing and… alive.

 

When his gran had died, Ianto had seen her body. She had looked so at peace. She’d died at 84 of old age. Her face had seemed smoother and there seemed to be this small smile dancing across her lips. For all Ianto knew, she could have just been sleeping. His mother did not look at peace. The signs of her long battle painted her face and he almost didn’t recognise her. The woman who tucked him into bed at night, saw him through heartbreak and bad dreams and every time he nearly ended it. Ianto left the room quickly, pressing the heels of his hands into his eyes to stop the tears. He and Rhi get a coffee and make empty promises to call more often.

 

When Ianto comes back to the hub a few hours later, he’s clearly exhausted. Mentally and physically. He makes the coffee silently and hands it around quickly. Then he retreats to the depths of the archives for the rest of the day. The whole team notice it, having all got used to Ianto being more vocal, more open, more himself…

 

Jack comes and finds him later, he’s brought tea because he wouldn’t dare touch the coffee machine. _Are you okay?_ Ianto just shakes his head, and the words that tumble out are barely a whisper. _Come on. I’m taking you home._

 

They go to the flat, and Jack puts mindless TV on while Ianto curls up into his side and tells him stories about his Mum. _Did you ever tell her about me?_ Ianto doesn’t answer. Because he’s too busy realising that he’ll never be able to tell her. Anything. Ever again. That breaks him all over again. Jack stays the night. Then gives him the next couple of days off if he wants them. Ianto surprises himself when he realises that he actually does want them.

 

He runs, goes shopping, cleans the flat, even buys a couple of new suits. Retail therapy works wonders. He’s sad. And he mourns. And the funeral is one of the hardest things he’s ever done. Which is saying something. But he gets through it. And Jack takes him to dinner after. The strangest part for Ianto is that even though this hurts, and god does it hurt, the pain isn’t all consuming. There was a time, not too long ago, where something like this would have been it. Would have been the last line on the long list of reasons to die. But now… he sees it as a reason to keep living, to make her proud. That’s the first sign to Ianto, that things might be getting better, that _he_ might be getting better. And that’s enough for him to smile.


End file.
